ConservativeINC

October 23, 2007

Democrats Need to Redeploy

Filed under: Satire - If Only — admin @ 1:55 am

Our intellectual superiors on the left have a brilliant plan to succeed where we have failed in Iraq. They want us to redeploy to different bases throughout the world so that we can quickly react to the conditions on the ground in Iraq. It would help reduce our troop commitment in Iraq and, mystifyingly, strengthen our position in Iraq.

Their rational for this “redeployment” is that our very presence in Iraq is creating terrorists (they never really have explained how terrorists popped up in Afghanistan before 9-11, but oh well). In their minds the sooner we get out of Iraq the sooner we will win the war there. Get out and win!

I think that this strategy can be applied to different arenas as well. If the democrats think so much about their strategy for defeat, sorry, “victory” in Iraq they should be willing to implement their strategy in a contest a lot less important. How about the next elections?

See, the way I see it, if there were no leftists, no kookosphere bloggers, no State Department, basically no liberals there would be no reason to have conservatives. This is a wonderful strategy that they must adopt, post haste, if they want to win.

For decades liberals have been gaining tactical victories in the courts, our schools, and elsewhere. The very existence of liberal stupidity has motivated the right wing base to action. If it weren’t for confiscatory taxes and no prayer in school there would be a heck of a lot less conservatives in America. Of course there would be the occasional irrational fool who clings to a depraved ideology. But most wouldn’t turn to conservative politics because what would be the point?

The liberals could redeploy to European cafes so they would be able to quickly respond to changes on the ground in America. Let’s say prayer returned to public schools. This act of religious terrorism could be responded to by a forward force of collegiate liberals based in Oxford. They would swoop into America on an Airbus jet and make everything right by their sheer force of persuasion.

Redeploying makes the most sense for liberals because they have been fighting in a political quagmire for over a century. A century! Forget a few years. They have won and lost many battles with their rivals to the right. When are they going to say “enough is enough”?

Now is that time. They need to admit to their failures in America and have a come to Jesus meeting. Continuing to fight with the republican party may yield an occasional victory but is it worth the cost?

They have to spend tens of millions of dollars every election cycle for their occasional victory. This money would be much more well spent on the poor of America. Imagine how many children they could take off the dirty streets of America and give health care to. It would be millions of kids. Is their continuation of their lost war in America worth a thousand children dying every year because of a lack of health care? Is one child’s death worth their war?

I say NO! They need to stop their misadventure in America right now. Even their wins are Pyhrric. They won the house and the senate during the last election cycle and what do they have to show for it? They can’t even get people their politicians to work as often as they said they would. And they can’t get us out of Iraq, can’t provide children health care, can’t, can’t, can’t.

If there was one word to describe the democrat’s war in America it would be failure. They fail to win every battle and they are failing to achieve their overarching strategic goal of socialism.

When you asked a liberal during their heyday of FDR, when they were declaring “victory”, they would have told you that the turn of the millennium would herald in an age of cooperation and love. And what has happened?

After the leftists declared victory for their war on capitalism and traditional Americanism they have been met by a vicious insurgency. This insurgency, which you and I are a part of, never yields to liberal dogma. We have fought them on all fronts and have turned the tide. The nanny state has been replaced by an ownership society. Their secular society has been hijacked by evangelicals. Unions are bleeding members while unemployment is virtually nonexistent.

Democrats need to face the facts; they’ve lost. Their policies have taken a victory and made it into a colossal defeat. The only honorable thing to do is to withdraw from the United States so we can figure everything out by ourselves. They have cost the American electorate billions of dollars (trillions if you want to count the federal budget) and have little to show for it. There is honor in redeploying. There is no honor in continuing to make a bad situation worse. If only. BigT

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October 3, 2007

Fast Food Credits

Filed under: Satire - If Only — admin @ 3:57 pm

“I am so glad Hillary was elected president!” Exclaims my friend. Ever since Hillary Clinton was able to push her universal health care plan through Congress a lot of things have changed. Perhaps the most important change for my friend is that he has lost a bunch of weight. How?

About five months after the Health-Exercise-Live Law (HELL) took affect under the Universal Health Care Initiative started by President Clinton took affect there has been a tiered system regarding who can eat what fast food and when. Many brilliant economists were for this act because it put a financial incentive on people to stop eating fast food if they’re fat and encourages people who are too skinny to eat more.

HELL works like this: everyone is blocked off into five groups based on their Body Mass Index (BMI). Those who are the furthest below what their ideal BMI should be get fifteen credits a week meaning they can eat at a McDonald’s or other fast food restaurant fifteen times a week. The next skinniest group gets ten credits, the normal group gets seven, the slightly obese get three, and the significantly obese get zero credits.

My friend, who as you’ve probably guessed was in the significantly obese category, has lost weight because he’s living under the yoke of HELL. But this is, unfortunately, changing for my friend.

It’s not that he has slipped down into the slightly obese category and gets three cheeseburgers a week but a market has opened up in Fast Food Credits. Just like with Carbon Credits there is now a Fast Food Credit market, and it is growing fast.

Currently on the market board a credit is going for $25 (there has also been rampant inflation with the increased devaluation of the dollar thanks to significantly increased taxes and generally protectionist laws). So now my friend is beginning to gain the weight right back.

Last week he bought $100 worth of credits (four credits) and gained ten pounds (when you use a credit there’s no limit on how much you can buy)! He’s perilously close to reentering the significantly obese category and he tells me “Hillary needs to do something because I’m getting fat again and if I get into the significantly obese category again I will lose all my health care entitlements!

I feel for my friend. What he says is absolutely true. When someone enters the significantly obese category or doesn’t meet the other 249 different sets of criteria for being able to receive health care they are denied all other health related services. If they break their leg, sure, they can still get that fixed but a blocked artery does not merit treatment. And my friend, who shows the early stages of oncoming trouble, is worried that he will be denied the treatments that will save his life.

But everything is better now then it was in the old system, my friend still tells me. Everyone gets free health care now and the system is no longer corrupted by profits. He just wishes that the government will do something to stop him from eating so much. Maybe, he suggests, outlawing fast food restaurants so that people will have happier and healthier lives. If only. BigT

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September 18, 2007

Liberals Aren’t Afraid of the Good Fight!

Filed under: Culture, Satire - If Only — admin @ 6:07 pm

Whenever they see their government go wrong by having a republican elected to office this is what they do. They get arrested because they are fighting the good fight against suppression of the “progressive” agenda. They won’t back down and they won’t stop until they are arrested.

Or, of course, they may get tasered for mentioning Skull and Bones if they rise against a democrat. Oh, well, that’s what happens when you speak truth to power.

Remember, the next time you see someone who smells bad and is wearing a shirt with Che on it you need to go over to that young person (using words like “man” or “woman” is a relic of a badder time) and thank them for what they have done. Without their fearless work it’s unlikely you would be able to abort your unborn baby, burn a flag, feel safe dodging the draft, or any number of ultra-patriotic things you do on a normal day. Thank them. Yeah, right. BigT

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